Let's say you invite a couple of friends for a double-date evening out. You say, "We haven't seen each other in awhile and we're looking forward to connecting with you two over dinner..." They say, "Cool." Everyone is in agreement and a date is set. A few days before the evening, you send an email to confirm the time and suddenly discover your friends have invited another couple that you don't really know at all. Now your quiet intimate evening catching up with old friends has turned into a small party. You nor your partner are quite up for it but instead of making a fuss, you just go.

The graceful goddess always asks first. It takes no more than 5 minutes to send a quick email or text to check in with the other party. For example: "Hey, I was thinking of inviting Derrick and Sue to our dinner date and making it more of a party, what do you think?" This way your friends feel respected because you've considered their opinion, plus, you don't have to worry about any awkward moments if everyone doesn't get along at dinner. One last point - it uses less energy/effort to socialize with an old friend as opposed to someone new and unfamiliar. So if you're not quite sure what kind of evening your guests are into... just ask first.

Spiritual. It's a buzz word of our time, but what does it mean? Most of us didn't grow up hearing the phrase, "being spiritual". We spoke in terms of someone being religious or not religious. Now in America, we live in a time where the concept of religion has expanded to spiritual ideas as well. It seems as though the 5 major religions aren't enough for us anymore. We've opened our aperture by adopting different modalities from a variety of belief systems and incorporating them into our own personal spiritual evolvement. Nowadays,for example there are Christians that meditate. Meditation was not something that Christians talked about in the past but now some Christian churches embrace the concept. There are "crossovers", if you will, in every religion and every belief system. This "crossing over" is what some people refer to as spirituality, while others condemn it as blasphemy.

There are spiritual atheists as well. Yes! For the spiritual atheist,spirituality is defined by nurturing thoughts and actions that are in harmony with a belief that the entire universe is in some way connected.In this definition spirituality does not reference God or a higher being, but rather, a feeling of being connected to a harmonious Universe. Isn't that God? Regardless, of how you cut it, a concrete definition of spirituality that everyone can agree upon is quite nebulous. Yet most of us strive for that spirituality/God/Presence which calms the soul, body and mind and grounds us when life gets tough. With that said, it's the most important energy center in the body. The Crown- this chakra connects us to our spirituality.

One of the modalities that supports and heals our transformational journey and deepens our spirituality is Reiki. It's an ancient Japanese healing art that assists in releasing emotional and physical stress. Growing up,I never heard of Reiki and would have never explored any type of spirituality like it. However, it's clear to me that there's more than one way to God and more than one type of spiritual practice that can be of comfort to us. I've since studied the healing art and now provide Reiki therapy. Since I've become certified, I've seen many transformations within clients. I've witnessed comfort from physical wounds, seen the calm and serenity Reiki has brought doulas, and I've observed closed hearts open to love again. Reiki centers and focuses the mind, and guides one towards their own personal evolvement. I do believe there's more than one way to God, and if you're open to it, you may discover  it's not about the pathway - but the spiritual food you're given on the journey.

I'm lucky enough to have a partner who takes great macro photos of butterflies. He was interested in raising one from caterpillar stage, so we looked around for a Common Rue plant that might attract a Giant Swallowtail butterfly to lay its eggs. However when I went to the nursery, there was a caterpillar already on a Common Rue plant, so I bought that one. How fortuitous! We did some research and learned what to expect at every stage of the transformation. Even though we had this information, the experience still lent itself to a sense of mystery -wondering what each stage of metamorphosis would bring for this little being. In my excitement, I shared my playful new experiment with a few friends. Some totally understood and wanted to hear more, while others were more ambivalent. I told one friend and said the name of our caterpillar was "Lumpy" (of course, everything needs a name)... This individual's response was: "Oh, a bug." In another case, I began telling the story of Lumpy and the person I was speaking to cut me off mid-sentence. I attempted to retell her my story but she interrupted and changed the subject again! I found this obvious lack of interest, very interesting...

I began to realize there comes a point where some of us adults are no longer concerned in connecting to our inherent sense of wonder,discovery and play - essentially, being as a child. I don't mean engaging in sports - that breeds competition (which is not a bad thing,but competition usually makes one intense and serious, which is the opposite of what we're going for). What I'm talking about is: just having fun with no agenda. Yes, no agenda. This is difficult for many of us - mostly because leaving time in one's calendar to "delight in the little things" seems a little nuts. Furthermore, with the job market and economy as it is, it's become increasingly more difficult for adults to justify taking time away from the perfectly carved weekly routine to lighten up and just enjoy. The priority for most of us is to make enough money to pay bills and have food on the table. I get it.However, we risk losing the balance of life when all we do is work. As my father would say, "Life is for the living." - and we're not living if all we're doing is working. Laughter, experiencing joy, connecting with others, communing with nature -is all part of living. And yes, you can always partake in some sort of fun activity with your own child, but it really has to be light and fun...not an activity that's exhausting, or about disciplining the child and work.Learning to delight in the little things in life and making time for fun with no agenda releases tension in the mind, jump starts your creativity and enthusiasm, lowers the blood pressure and breeds joy.

But back to Lumpy... like most caterpillars, he mostly just ate and ate,much like the common children's story, "The Hungry Caterpillar". He went through a few molts (shed his skin a few times) which was really wild to see in person, then left his host plant for a walkabout. At this point we knew it was time for Lumpy to pupate (change into a chrysalis),so we placed him in a sealed breathable container until he transformed.Once he became a chrysalis we moved him to a desk in our office. He remained in this stage for about 9 days. Then one day we came home and there was this beautiful little butterfly hanging out in our space, who we fondly renamed Lucky.We set him free, of course, and our experience was over, but the sweetness remained. A bit of joy crawled into our lives, then flew out the door leaving lightness, joy and laughter... and only for $2.50!Delight in the little things and free your mind.

In last month's newsletter, I spoke briefly regarding the loss of my dear friend who died of stage IV breast cancer. She was a very spiritually, mentally and physically healthy person for most of her life. However, she was not having yearly mammograms, so early detection that could have possibly saved her life was not an option.

I understand that some of us are not particularly interested in Western medicine. We don't like taking pills of any sort for a headache or monthly cramps and we prefer Eastern healing techniques as opposed to Western medicine. However, science and Western medicine do have a purpose and a healing place in our lives if we choose to accept it. My friend did not. However, I do and really advocate the balance of both Eastern and Western techniques as needed. As a Reiki therapist, I've assisted in healing clients' pain from lacerations, chronic physical pain and emotional distress. However, if Reiki or any other Eastern modality did not work for them, I would recommend a Western physician.Eastern healing techniques and self-help practices are more attractive because they tend to be less invasive to the body temple, but they're not the only answer - which brings me to my next point, on teachers.

James Arthur Ray is a teacher of self-help practices like the law of attraction found in "The Secret" and his own concept, "Harmonic Wealth". He held an event in a Sedona sweat lodge last October where 3 people died of heat stroke due to sauna-like conditions inside the sweat lodge tent.  James Arthur Ray is currently incarcerated and awaiting trial. It is believed that he ignored those followers that were having physical problems due to the sweat lodge conditions. However, it is also said, that these folks were so captured by Mr. Ray's philosophies that they didn't want to leave the tent. Maybe both points are at play here. Regardless, these people followed their teacher, albeit blindly, and because of it they perished.It's fine to follow a teacher, but we must always remain the masters of our own souls. Once, I was in a class and smelled a toxic odor and asked if we could open a door. Because the teacher didn't smell it, he ignored my request. So I took the initiative to get up and leave for some air. If I didn't do this and something horrible happened to me,that teacher would be at fault legally because it's their class. But here's the thing, I'm responsible because I'm in charge of me and my own thought.

It's easy to get hooked into the witty catch phrases and the seductive words and actions of a great teacher -but they are mere mortals, like all of us and susceptible to self-aggrandizement and moments of thoughtlessness like anyone else.With that said, remain vigilant to your inner voice of truth for you.

I was on line at the supermarket today. In the middle of my transaction I was having a chat with the cashier... It was a lovely moment. But, this lady who was next in line behind me, was standing practically right under my armpit. I gave her a couple of gentle glances so maybe she would get the hint to give me a little room. She did not.At this point, my purchase was complete and was about to head out the door. She was so close behind me that when I picked up my carry bag and pivoted to leave, I damn near knocked her out. Plus I stepped on her foot at the same time. Before I could say anything, she said, "I'm sorry." People. Really. Unless you're intimately involved with the person on line in front of you. Don't stand so close. We weren't raised by wolves and Beyonce is not the cashier, so there's no rush. We can give each other a little room and patience to do a simple transaction at the grocery store without the need of a trauma unit. Thank you. Take care of yourselves, and each other...

I was just told that my dear friend of 16 years has stage 4 breast cancer. It is too late for chemo or surgery. This lady has always been the healthiest person I've known. She exercises regularly. Doesn't live in a major city. Doesn't smoke. Barely drinks. Eats organically. Occasionally eats meat, but a vegetarian most of her life. Also, I must say this is one of the most positive, spiritual, loving and generous people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. So you get it - a very healthy person. However, she did not partake in  a yearly mammogram. Therefore, by the time she was feeling ill and went to the doctors, they told her and her family, "There's nothing we can do."

Any woman over 40 years of age should have an annual mammogram.

If this cancer was detected early enough I might be writing a different newsletter. Please ladies, take care of yourselves and each other.

Hope you all had a beautiful Mother's Day! Now Father's Day is coming up - June 20th. Many more people have mothers so Father's Day can often get lost in the calendar. Whatever your personal situation, fathers or the memory of our fathers plays a vital part in our lives. Why? The opposite sex parent relationship when we're a child often informs how we'll relate to our future mates. (This may or may not follow as truth for homosexual females because women relate to other women differently than men.) For a female, the first man we fall in love with when we're little girls is our Dad. Yes. This is a big point to make because it colors everything! Every time the phone doesn't ring with the man we're interested in, issues with receiving affection from our mate come up, and fundamentally the reasons why we don't have a mate - all can be related to the relationship with the first man we ever loved - our father. And yes, even if you didn't like your father that much, chances are you loved him as a child.

I happen to have a great Dad. However, most of my first relationships with men were not that great. This was because no one could live up to my Dad, so I gave up on trying, which means I was "okay" with having a man in my life that was second, third or sometimes fourth best. Also, I wanted some obvious form of approval from these young men because that's what I received as a child when I did really well. For example, an A+ on my report card often yielded a delicious Italian sandwich from the best deli in Brooklyn or a great burger from Jackson's Hole restaurant (no longer exists unfortunately) or some rockin' Caribbean bread. Just thinking about it takes me back to loads of smiles, laughter and a full belly. So later as a young adult in my 20's, I sought approval in the same way from these guys. Finally I got it together. I stopped settling and got rid of a long-time but non-committal boyfriend. My friend, James calls these types of guys "the fire extinguishers" - break here for emergency. They're not really interested in being serious about you. They're there, however, and you can call them in a pinch for something random...like...you know what. However, they're completely unavailable if you need a good friend, ride to the airport, or your drawers moved - chest of drawers that is. Anyway, I fired the fire extinguisher. This occurred when I finally remembered the woman my father raised me to be -  who I truly am. That's when HE showed up. The right man for me.

Many of us waste months or years (like I did) trying to figure out why we can't obtain what we desire in our men or why we can't meet a man. Look at the relationship with your father. How do (did) you relate to him? Was he there at all? Are you looking for your lover to be your Dad? If you had or have a great father and can't seem to settle on the right mate, then ask yourself: Why aren't you loving and respecting yourself enough to wait for a mate who loves and respects you like your father - the first man who ever loved you?

Obviously, the reason why we don't have what we desire with men is not ONLY about our opposite sex parent issues but it's a great place to start and an area that is often overlooked. So check it out...It may be enlightening and lead you down a path to healing and getting exactly what you've always desired - a healthy, adult, loving and respectful relationship. 

The desert is one of Mother Earth's vast open hearts exuding beauty, peace and healing love to all those who will receive it. I just got back from a trip to Death Valley in the Mojave Desert. I'd never been there before and wondered what all the fuss was about. Well, I got it. One would think Death Valley would be pretty boring to experience with nothing more than sand and mountains, but we went during the explosion of wildflowers, and what a sight! This was just after the high holy days of Easter and Passover. The meditative quality of the desert and its wildflowers created a space within me where I began to contemplate my existence and the significance of the recent past high holy days. The Bible and Torah ask us to "love one another". Buddha is quoted as saying, "If these minds love one another the home will be as beautiful as a flower garden." In the Muslim religion, it is said that "...you will not complete your faith till you love one another." You get the point. So there I was in the desert feeling the love, the energy and at one with the Universe. Great. Now what happens when I get back to Los Angeles and its #1 rated worst traffic in the country? Will I still be able to "love one another" as I'm being cut off on the freeway? Or, as I interact with a customer service person impatient to my questions? That's the real trick.

Last year an elder told me, "Strangers used to be nicer. Not anymore. People are actually getting meaner." Are they? Maybe, maybe not... But I do know one thing, I'm going to do my best not to contribute. What helps me to "love one another" is to give someone the benefit of the doubt or a pass on their bad behavior -especially when their negative actions seem to come out of nowhere. I remember having a negative experience with a customer service person once and after speaking to the manager, I was told that this individual just had a parent pass away. Their "bad behavior" with me was due to their inner sadness and pain. Not that it's okay to be unkind when we're upset, but it allows us to give someone a pass...We're all human and fallible.  And until we've walked in someone else's shoes, we never really know what they're going through at any given moment.

For those of us that don't have children, sometimes it can feel a bit annoying when going through the aisle of a supermarket and there's a Mom and her kids in the way  because she's handling a temper tantrum that's getting out of control. Or, if we're able to make a right turn on red, there's a Mom stepping off the curb with her stroller and toddler in hand taking time because she's got a lot to handle. And of course there's the favorite - the screaming child in the restaurant or airplane. Please let's be patient for this. I'm sure many of us are patient, but for those of us that aren't, let's remember: It is not easy to be a mother. We were all children once and probably would have liked it if others were patient with us. So let's wait for the Mom and her kids (or any person, for that matter) to pass your car at a safe distance before barreling past, and not give them "the look" if we're inconvenienced by having to slow down. They appreciate it and it's a good thing all around. After all, patience is a virtue. 

As a Reiki practitioner many of the sessions I have with clients include conversations around relationships. One particular topic that comes up with women is the ability to have a strong "no". No, meaning no. Not, no means maybe tomorrow, or if you push me hard enough or manipulate me enough, I could change my mind. But "no" with a period at the end. It's okay to say no. This may seem trite to some, but I think many others have had this issue. So many of us are afraid that if we say no to others we'll cause conflict and they won't like us anymore, or worse - leave us. It's okay to not be liked. It's actually okay to be left and standing alone. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but sometimes standing alone is our strongest stance.

We are not bad or mean if we tell someone "no, I choose not to stand for this any longer" or "no" this relationship is over. We don't have to go along with something just to keep the peace. I think many of us are guilty of this but don't know how to get out of this trap. Be true to yourself and what you need in relationship. You will always be the better for it in the end. Know thyself. And if sometimes we lose someone along the way because we're not acting the way they would like us to, that's fine. They weren't on your "success train" anyway. 

The challenge for most of us is after we've said no, let go and released a friend or situation, we feel empty. How do we handle the emptiness? Fill the void. Not with cookies and cocktails... although that may be a temporary substitute. We fill the void with something healthy, loving and nurturing. This is the part we usually leave out and is vital to healing. If we don't fill the void, the pain usually lasts longer, can seem insurmountable or worse yet - we can actually go back to the situation or person that hurt us to begin with because we're so unhappy. So instead of filling that empty space inside ourselves with cookies and cocktails, here are healthy, loving and nurturing options: fill it with another loving relationship, acknowledge and foster the ones you have, have a Reiki session or some other energy work to heal and recalibrate your soul, take yourself on a date into the mountains or to the beach... These are just a few options. Let the healing begin by filling your cup. You'll be back to your ol' self in no time.